Smitten by Books

49 Replies to “Could a woman’s perception of love partly be due to the influence of romance novels?”

1. I started reading romance novels in junior high. It started with Danielle Steele. I read a ton of her books and then moved on to some others. I then started reading the more adult romance novels about 10 years ago. I got out of reading for awhile after high school.
   I think they affected me, because my expectations of a huband/boyfriend were a little different than what you see in some romance novels. Not all guys are great like they make it seem. There are a ton of frogs out there. I did finally kiss the right one, and he is a pretty good prince.
   Love Julia’s books and am drying to read this one. Very excited for Daniels story.

2. I will copy and paste my answer, because I actually answered this question in the “Why do you read romance? Or not?” article:

   I think I was 10 or 11. And although I really love to read romance and to watch romantic movies and series, I’m convinced they messed up my mind a little bit about love in real life. The hero and heroine in the book always get their happy ending and I was so accustomed to the happy ending I stayed in a unhealthy relationship. When it was apparent it wasn’t going to work I still believed in a happy ending. My ex also told me in a cruel way I believed in fairy tales, so that’s why it waked me up.
   I love reading them because of all the emotions the hero and heroine experience, and sometimes all the hardships their love still conquers everything. Now I know it doesn’t always work that way in real life 😉 Faith is for me the most important thing and then comes love. So that’s also I love to read romance, because it’s all about the love!

3. I think it definitely shapes what you look for in a mate…character wise and physically, it never hurts to know or have an idea of all of this….it also shows that the course of love doesn’t always run smoothly, that there are bumps in the road and things that must be worked out.

4. I think it made me very picky too.

5. I have read romance books since I was 11 years old and I really don’t think it has changed my perception of falling in love or marriage. From a very young age I understood that it was entertainment. I was married at a young age and lucky for me he was (is) a great guy, but that doesn’t say that there were times in our 34 year marriage that he wasn’t great sometimes (me too). During those hard times in marriage I never thought that I needed to find a guy like the ones in my romance books. He loves me, I love him, so it was more then worth it to make it through the hard times and to enjoy the good times.

6. I don’t know if I can blame it on romance novels, but I am looking for a happily ever after. Instead of lusting after a picture-perfect future, I should be focusing on a happy-with-what-I-have-now.

7. I found my hubby before I started reading romance, I read them for the enjoyment of the HEA and I don’t think they have influenced me all that much. I can stand back from a book and realize its just a book and that those HEA’s are not always going to happen. No one is perfect, including myself or my husband and we know that. That being said, I really enjoy the imperfections and perfections of characters in books.

8. It definitely did. My first romance novel was Forever Amber, which I read right around the time of my parents divorce. Needless to say, I don’t believe in HEA, but I do know what I would like in a man from reading romance novels. 🙂

9. I have read romance since I was 12 years old. Like Molly I am looking for a happy-ever-after, but I can´t blame my reading on that. A new Julia-book; what a treat for the winner.

10. I think reading romances taught me not to settle. I won’t be with someone who isn’t supportive. I don’t expect a HEA. I know life doesn’t get wrapped up into a nice little bow like they do in books.

11. I started reading romance novels in my late twenties and I can’t say they influenced my perception of love. Unfortunately – well not really, but it was not exactly fortunate – in my teens I read a lot of romantic (meaning 19th-century) literature and that influenced my vision of love quite a bit. Only when I grew up I fully realized that the love I read about in the Elective Affinities by Goethe was not the kind of sentiment wich was in line with my sensibilities and the time I lived in.

12. (Don’t enter me for the contest.) Hmmm… I felt when I first read romances, around 12, that they were influencing my thinking in a bad way and I mostly gave them up until I was in my 40s. I don’t know how much they really did, though, long term. That was in the 70s, all heroes were alpha asshats, but I never had the slightest attraction to that kind of boy/man.

13. I started reading romance late, as a long-married adult. It hasn’t influenced my perception of life or love. I enjoy it for the escape and the guaranteed HEA…which as we all know, does not always happen in real life!

14. I have been an avid reader all my life and I guess in some way, books have influenced my thinking. I don’t feel it had much to do with my perception of love since I started really reading romance novels after I was married and had a successful life. What it did make me realize was how many different people (authors) felt what love was and how it was achieved.
    Your book sounds really good.

15. I don’t necessarily equate my perceptions in reading romances to real life relationships. I expect fidelity and respect irrespective of those traits also being embodied in romance. I hope for an HEA, but unlike a novel, it’s not guaranteed in real life.

16. My perception on love is ugly, had a very bad experience in the past that made me think that true love is only in movies and fairy tales. But that doesn’t stopped me from falling head over heels with romance novels. It gives me a faint hope of finding maybe not a Prince Charming riding on a splendid white horse but someone who will be understanding and will accept me for me like the heroes I often read on romance novels.

17. Since I didn’t read romances, I wasn’t affected by them. I was pretty picky without them. 🙂

18. I think romance novels follows the dreams and wishes of all people, men and women, for what they look for in love and romance. I don’t really think reading romances has shaped, or re-shaped my thinking as to what I want and look for in a mate.

19. No, for me I read romance for the escapism/HEA aspect.

20. I don’t know for sure, but I think that reading romance (and reading in general) has affected my perceptions of relationships, but not necessarily in a bad way. I am a pretty realistic person, and I understand that life does not often hand you a happy ending wrapped in a little bow, but novels (particularly romance novels) are filled with so much insight into human character that I think they have taught me to better understand others, to be more empathetic but also less of a pushover in relationships. I’m not looking for perfection, but I’m not willing to accept a jerk either! The sort of romances that I read now are almost all about characters with flaws, not perfect heroes and heroines, but people falling in love despite the things that get in the way, and coming to understand each other. How is that not a good thing to look up to?

21. I started reading Barbara Cartland romances while in college and moved up to Kathleen Woodiwess and others after that. I don’t think romance novels influenced my ideal for a husband. I knew the romances were fantasy, and enjoy reading them for their HEA’s. I met my DH of 39 years during that time, and we married.

22. I don’t thing reading romance had much to do with whom I picked.

23. I’m afraid I didn’t really read them until after I married at 18 so I guess I can’t answer that lol.

24. I think one of the influences is that I do believe it’s possible for a HEA, but that doesn’t mean I’m just searching in vain for the perfect man.

25. Definitely elevated my expectations!

26. I don’t think romances had any influence on my perception of romance except that it gave me hope that maybe all romantic entanglements weren’t doomed to failure.

27. A friend sent me a bumper sticker that I adore. It says “Disney gave me unrealistic expectations about men.” It just so happens that the same sentiment applies to romance novels as well. I also think the age I started reading them had a major impact (pre-puberty) in shaping my romantic outlook. It is firmly entrenched in my beliefs that the perfect guy is out there and that he’ll eventually charge into my life (great white steed not required) and sweep me off my feet. Until such an event occurs I’ll continue to live vicariously through the lives of those on page.

28. reading romance books gives an idea of how i want my to be like but the rest is my own as theres no such a thing as perfectness and not everyone gets happily ever after. It depends. I started reading romance novels when i was 16 and since then i am hooked to them.

29. reading romance books gives an idea of how i want a guy to be like but the rest is my own as theres no such a thing as perfectness and not everyone gets happily ever after. It depends. I started reading romance novels when i was 16 and since then i am hooked to them.

30. I think I expected more in romance because of the books. It is never quite like the book though. My parents were like yours and they divorced when I was 16. I will also say that I have never found that kind of romance in real life not even close.

31. Romance novels can influence romance for both the good and bad. They are first and foremost fiction and are written for entertainment. They should be read for entertainment and not to be a guide on how to live life or pick a mate. Many of the characteristics for compelling alpha heroes are not the characteristics many women would welcome in a potential mate. Great wealth and beauty provide more adulterous temptations later in marriage when ardor cools and the realities of raising a family catch up with a couple. A man who is arrogant, powerful and demanding is likely to stay arrogant, powerful and demanding the rest of his life. The man who is sexually promiscuous before his marriage often struggles with fidelity. The love of a good woman might save him from himself in a romance novel, but that never works in real life. The dramatic, thrill packed, emotionally intense courtship that keeps a reader riveted to a romance novel is not often the best raw-material for a solid, go-the-distance type marriage. All that being said, romance novels are good in that they present an ideal of how love should be. There is a spiritual element to sexuality that is so often ignored in modern media. The passion that invigorates and fulfills goes far beyond the physical for both men and women. Sexuality is a God-given gift given to two people that should never be cheapened or taken for granted, and most romance books remain true to that ideal. The positive message of romance books that can benefit a reader is that this type of love exists and once it is found, we must never take it for granted. We give and receive love and treat the object of our love with grace, kindness, fidelity, and devotion. Such love doesn’t just happen, and no one is perfect, but love like this exists and it is worth striving for.

32. I think it increased my expectations.

33. I’ve been reading romance since I was 12 or so, and to be honest, I’m sure it has changed my perception of love, but I’ve never actually tried to figure out how. I don’t think I want to know. One thing I know it has done is given me a definite preference for “bad boys”, even though I know that in real life they aren’t good relationship material.

34. I agree, reading romances turns us romantics into the hopeless kind! hahaha!

    (no need to enter me, just wanted to comment)

35. Yes, definitely. I know my hubby benefits frequently from me reading romance novels because I want to feel intimate after reading some love scenes. 🙂

36. I didn’t read romance novels until was about 50. Romance wasn’t a priority. I had school and work as my main focus. I dated a little bit, but was really too busy to be interested. Love sort of snuck up on me. Worked for me. We will be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks and they have been wonderful years. I started reading romance, because I liked historical fiction and there are many good historical romances out there. there are times I think it would have been nice to have found them a bit earlier in our marriage.

37. I don’t know if reading romance had a huge impact on my perception of romance in reality though I’m sure it had some (as would most anything that was a regular part of life), may help keep the sceptic believing/hoping in HEA’s a little better

38. Romance novels are about as far removed from reality as it gets, & I for one, would not have it any other way.

39. I think reading romance novels increasing our expectations in finding “Mr. Right”, without having to go through all the frogs. You know, just one look across the room and you’ve found “the one”. It really doesn’t work that way. I read romance novels throughout high school and I think it made me believe that finding love and the right man would be easy, but it wasn’t. I think it made my expectations a little too high. But I finally did find my HEA.

40. They have definitely had an influence, but I would say for the better. Standards are a good thing, and I think romance novels really promote that. Date, have fun…. But hold out for that one special person!

41. The first historical romance book I read was Man of La Mancha by Cervantes when I was in High School. I loved the story and went out in the big wide world hoping that my own personal hero would come along and only see the best of me.

    It took years but a hero finally stumbled my way and was distracted by my cooking so he missed my other flaws. Thankfully he still likes my cooking and we celebrated our 42nd anniversary this year!

42. I started reading historical romance novels in high school and it definitely had an influenced how I saw love and romance. I guess it made me shallow in a way, which is not good. But I became very imaginative and creative though, and I’m happy that it held a place for my fantasies but in reality, it’s a harsh place to live in.

43. Well in my experience I don’t think it shaped my ideals of men as I had my own ideals long before I avidly started reading romance novels. I think allot of the novels I read definitely filled a void of mine as I was naturally a hopeless romantic and often day dreamed. I would say though that both in books and movies everything falls together so easily, its like they just instantly “know” and there is already a chemistry and an extreme desire to make things work. I think if anything it tainted my perspective on the reality of making things “work” in a relationship/marriage. Especially after all the hormones and feelings of love and infatuation fade. I don’t think books about romance and love have to be so “hollywood” or even typical to all the rest, In other words, hope is not lost. Especially if in picking up a book you can learn a bit more about how to deal with marriage problems, family life etc. One of my personal goals is to write a romance story that takes place after the marriage, where the couple encounters real life problems and goes through emotional issues real to a marriage. Over all though, I’ve always known that fantasy was different than reality, its an escape and to me it has been a very enjoyable one.

44. I read romance at a young age too and watched romantic movies, but I’ve also been practical and a realist so while enjoying the HEA, didn’t influence me as I knew it was fiction and usually not going to go that way in real life, though I’d always dream and hope.

45. I don’t really think romance novels affected my views of relationships in life. It is nice to enter a world where people suffer but you know they will find a happy ending. This is quite different from reality but I like my entertainment to be optimistic.

46. I didn’t start reading Romance books until I was older. In my mid thirties. I was already with husband #2 and 7 kids. But after reading Outlander and if I hadn’t been married already I’d have been looking for Jamie. 🙂 And I don’t know if a Jamie exists in the real world but I sure would have looked. lol
    Carol L
    Lucky4750 (at) aol (dot) com

47. I think I agree with a lot of the comments, here.

    Reading romance novels has made me a GREAT deal more picky and I find I am really looking for that HEA. I don’t expect things to be perfect, but I do want the staunch support that you find a Hero giving the Heroine in these books.

    I read in some men’s magazine that if their wives/girlfriends are reading romance novels a great deal, the man should expect them to be cheating and it was actually based on this very concept: that by reading romance novels, we no longer accept what we have and will be “out on the hunt”, again.

    I can see it both ways. I think romance novels can give us a false standard but only if we submerge ourselves to a point. In fact, I think the very same reason that we gain those false standards can be a boon in finding our own partners in life.

    As long as we realize that men in real life are as human as we are, then I don’t think holding men to these standards is a bad idea. It means we’ll choose a partner that is meant for us. We’ll look for that man that makes us swoon but holds us up when we fall. 🙂

48. I started reading romance novels when I was in my late teens and they always influence me to dream for my own happy ending.

49. The first romances I started reading was Harlequin Presents when I was in my teens so I had some high expectations about romance! 🙂

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