Love lessons from contemporary romance heroes by Kat Latham
I’ve celebrated one Valentine’s Day in my entire life. One.
It was in 2003, and my boyfriend (now husband) and I had been together for three months. He hated the idea of a manufactured day of love, and tried to explain that he didn’t think love was about exchanging flowers and chocolates once a year.
But I was so excited to finally have a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day that I insisted we celebrate it. What a mistake.
We were living in Prague, in the Czech Republic, and since my husband is English I decided to get him some nice loose-leaf tea and a teapot. He’d been teaching me how to make the perfect cup of tea and had often mentioned that loose leaf was far better than the bagged stuff we could afford.
Finding loose-leaf tea was no problem. There are dozens of tea shops in Prague. Finding masculine teapots, on the other hand…impossible. I spent weeks scouring every tea shop I could find, only to see hundreds of ceramics decorated with pink polka-dots or kittens. My husband is 6’3. At the time, he was playing rugby for a Czech team. I couldn’t picture him pouring tea from a kitty pot.
I showed up at my favorite café (a concession he had made for me, since he would’ve much rather been in a pub) and handed over the gifts I’d gotten him: two small bags of tea leaves with nothing to brew them in. I’ve never seen a man look so confused.
Then he gave me my gift, and my heart sank. It was awesome: a hardcover book of black-and-white photos of Prague, so I’d always remember the city we fell in love in.
Since that Valentine’s Day when I was so significantly out-classed by my husband, I’ve come around to his way of thinking. We celebrate dates and occasions that mean something to us as a couple and ignore Valentine’s Day.
I often hear guys say they don’t understand the point of the day. They don’t know what women want from them. I started doing a bit of research for this post, skimming through my favorite contemporary romance novels to find examples of heroes who made a big romantic gesture that was perfect for their heroine. What I found instead were men who are more like my husband—displaying their love and devotion through actions that mean so much more than a one-off gesture.
Here are some of the most romantic moves a man can make.
1. He takes responsibility and removes some of the burden from his partner.
*sigh* Is there any romantic hero who can beat Jack Travis, Lisa Kleypas’s Smooth Talking Stranger? When Ella Varner shows up at his office holding her sister’s baby and insists he take a paternity test, he knows he can’t be the father. Even though he’s not little Luke’s dad, though, he helps Ella when she’s exhausted from taking care of the baby. He gives them a place to stay, builds a crib, buys toys, and even wakes up in the early morning to feed and play with Luke so Ella can sleep in. All this after Ella’s boyfriend practically breaks up with her because he doesn’t want to take responsibility for another man’s child.
2. He lets her set the pace if she needs to take things slowly.
Not all women want a relationship. For some of us (see my last post about my near-nervous-breakdown) there’s nothing more terrifying than discovering someone returns your feelings.
Autumn Adams, the heroine of Susan Donovan’s Knock Me Off My Feet, is one such woman. Her hero, Stacey Quinn, figures out early on that Audie’s the woman for him, but he also realizes that her parents set an awful example of marriage. Quinn’s patient and honest with Audie, and it’s only when she stubbornly persists in believing she’s unable to love anyone that he calls her bluff and gives her the space she needs in order to discover how much she loves him.
3. He respects her culture and beliefs, even if they make life a little more difficult for him.
Gabe Rossiter, from Naked Edge by Pamela Clare, is probably the most over-sexed hero I’ve ever read about. Rock climbing and casual sex are his two biggest hobbies. So when he meets Kat James, a Navajo woman who’s waiting to find her life-partner before having sex, he fights his attraction for her. As a mystery throws them together and Kat begins to explore her sexual side, Gabe expresses his deepening feelings for her in the biggest way he can—by respecting her boundaries. By the end of the novel, he makes an incredible sacrifice, and it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with love and devotion.
4. He stands up for her, even if she doesn’t really need him to.
Minerva Dobbs is a smart, confident woman. She’s more than capable of standing up for herself. But when Cal Morrisey, the hero of Jennifer Crusie’s Bet Me, goes to Min’s parents’ house for dinner one night, he watches her mother make comment after comment about Min’s weight. In one of the most awesome scenes ever written, Cal puts Min’s entire family in their place and lets them know she’s perfect.
If you’re with a man who doesn’t like celebrating Valentine’s Day, what are other ways he shows his love? Do you have a favorite Valentine’s Day story? Or do you prefer to ignore the day?
~*~*~
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Kat Latham has been reading romance for a couple of decades. With degrees in English lit and human rights, she loves stories that reflect the depth, humor and emotion of real life. When she’s not writing contemporary romance novels, she can usually be found blogging or tweeting overly personal information. She loves meeting other readers and writers online, so follow her on Twitter or check out her blog and say hello!
My husband and I don’t make a big deal of Valentine’s Day…no gifts for each other or going out. We just never got into the habit. But my husband buys flowers for our daughter (she’s now 9) because she loves them and loves the whole idea of Valentine’s Day — she spent this entire weekend making very elaborate cards for every single kid in her class and then agonized over what small gift she could fit in them (ended up with chocolates). The fact that he buys her flowers because it means so much to her totally melts my heart.
Babs, how sweet of your husband…
I do not believe in Valentines Day, I never understood it. Why do you need a special day to tell someone you love them or they love you. That should be done everyday. I do not need a teddy bear or flowers which I hate to know if I am loved.
No special someone to celebrate with so I will be spending the day with a good romance book. But people should let those they love know it EVERYDAY not just one a year.
My husband was actually the one who converted me into celebrating Valentine’s Day. However, it only means something to me because he shows me love all year round. He simply takes the opportunity to do something special on February 14th as well as other holidays and celebratory anniversaries.
My hsband and I have always celebrated Valentine’s Day by just going out to a movie and dinner. Nothing fancy because it is just another day to show each other that we love each other.
Usually whoever I’m with gets me flowers and that is the extent of my Valentine’s Day, but this year I am single and my best guy friend is taking me out to dinner
We don’t celebrate either, though my husband would like to. Go figure–I’m the romance writer! We are busy doing valentines with our two little boys. And I agree, love should be shown every day, as your hero examples show. 🙂
While I agree that love should be shown all year long, at least a nice card is always appreciated .
It’s never been a huge day for us. I think Valentine’s Day partially started because there are so many men out there that aren’t very romantic. I do realize it’s been commercialed to death which puts me off but I also see the significance of giving people that chance at something they may never get. Personally, I much rather have a man that thinks of all the little things year round than one big day.
My husband totally ignore’s Valentines day. I usually get him a box of chocolates and he doesn’t get me anything. I guess that’s life.
I (naturally) was talking about Valentine’s Day on my blog. I was more than a bit taken aback at the definition of romance. I’ve also shared what I think was the most romantic gift Hubster ever gave me. We went out to eat last night (because we do almost every Sunday) and called it our Valentine’s Day dinner (pub fare). Restaurants are overcrowded with limited menus and harried wait staffs on Valentine’s Day (and overpriced, to boot).
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
My husband is completely unromantic, so we don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day is celebrated here with small gifts and funny cards. We try to outdo each other in the card dept.
It always brings a smile to my face in the heart of winter.
Love & Hugs,
Pam
It’s not necessary to save all the celebrating for Valentine’s Day. You can do and buy little things for each other throughout the year.
I admit, I just ignore the day whether I’m in a relationship or not.
Unfortunately, Valentine’s Day has turned into something I think men feel like they “have to” rather than “want to”. I’d rather have him get me things through the year because he just wants to.
V Day is just another day at my house.
We don’t make a big deal about Valentine’s day. Tonight we will order in and watch a movie probably. 😀 Works for us!
I think Valentine’s Day is fun but I agree with the other posters who said you should show your love every day instead of just one day.
Happy VDay everyone. Sitting home alone. Not fun.
Our first Valentine Day my husband gave me chocolate covered (his mother’s favorite) and I hate them. This was exactly 1 week after we got married! Since then I’ve gotten “gifts” like a broom, a vacuum cleaner and a new hammer (that he needed)!
The good news is that daily he does the little things that really count for something like washing dishes, changing the bed, cutting the wood and starting the fire. He also is a wonderful father who never consider that he was babysitting our children and instead was telling everyone he was just be a father.
Over the past 41 years I’ve realized that it’s not the gifts that are important instead it’s that a man is honorable, a helpmate and a wonderful father who would do anything for his family.
So thanks honey for all those hooky gifts and the thought it took to “out-do” how awful they were every year of our marriage!
I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. I just don’t get. Why do I need a special day to tell the person I love that I love them. For me, I plan on relaxing and reading especially since my guy isn’t home.
I love going out with my hubby on Valentine’s day.
Ms. Latham, I love your DH’s choice of that first Valentine’s Gift. You were smart to keep him.
Of the books used as examples, I’ve only read (and enjoyed!) ‘Bet Me’ but now i have some other titles to seek out.
My husband is not big on Valentine’s Day/. So I figure I have to tell him what to do. He is pretty good about it.
I always love valentine days. My girls used to having pajamas party and watching old romance movies with cups of hotchocolates. The best part
Then, we just shared our evening.
My husband has never been good at any kind of holidays. For example, yesterday he wished me happy Valentine’s Day, then was utterly confused when I pointed out he was a day early – but hey, he got points for trying. On the other hand, he spends lots of time year round fixing things and making sure that my life runs more smoothly. Personally, I’d much rather have that then a gift one day a year.
When my husband was in the military, we had to make adjustments to our celebrations and take them when we could. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Christmas are just days. We can celebrate what they mean or represent anytime.
For Valentine’s Day, we usually fix a special meal on what ever day is most convenient. We don’t even try to go out to celebrate because it is too crowded. This year, we are going to New Orleans in March as a combined birthday and Valentine gift/celebration. It is more important to do special things for each other everyday, than to celebrate a manufactured holiday.
Valentines day is great if your with someone special but if not, like me, than it’s just another day really. No romantic dinner or a sappy movie for one, thank you very much. I didn’t do anything to celerate romantic love. Yeah I read a romance novel but that’s something I do everyday 😀
(Don’t enter me, I own a copy already.)
Great post! I really want to read that Pamela Clare book now.
My husband is not at all big on Valentine’s Day and over the years I have become increasingly appreciate of the small gestures he makes to celebrate the day. Last year he made me a breakfast in which he’d cut everything into heart shapes. This year it was heart-shaped polenta for dinner. But even if he did nothing at all, he tells me he loves me every single day, and that’s really what counts.