Men.
Hmmm, they can be a bit of a quandary to some of us women. As romance readers, we love the reformed rake or the playboy who eventually finds his ‘mate’ and settles down into blissful monogamy.
This is the man who could have almost any woman he wants but he chooses the heroine and that’s pretty much it for him. Put a fork in him he’s done. Of course he’s fantastic looking, confident, wealthy and is pure genius between the sheets. In reality, the man I just described is pure fantasy–on the most part. I’m sure some women will protest they have such a man at home.
I really started thinking about men and their cheatin’ ways when the story broke about Arnold Schwarzenegger and the child he fathered with the family maid! Really no great surprise but it got me thinking about the parade of high profile women over the years that have ‘stood’ by their men after they’d been caught–notice I didn’t say confessed–cheating. On the whole, women don’t take kindly to cheating men and women who read romances seem to tolerate them even less so. Oh, the hero can butt up against that line, but he better not cross it.
This got me thinking, and in a discussion with my friend, Jackie Barbosa, we concluded that because romance readers are–dare I say–romantic in nature, demanding absolute fidelity from their heroes, in reality, these women would be far less likely to take back a cheating mate.
So ladies what do you think, would you take back a man who has cheated on you? Have you ever read a book with a cheating hero? Comment to enter to win a book that has a premise that hits very, very close to home.
A long time ago, LaVyrle Spencer wrote a book, Bitter Sweet, where the hero and heroine reunite after many years, but he’s married. The wife is portrayed predictably as a selfish witch, and the heroine’s mother is two-dimensional as well. Yet, I found myself unable to put the book down as the couple attempt to resist their forbidden attraction. However, I don’t find a cheater heroic, whether it’s the hero or heroine. I never say never, but it would take A Lot of fantastic buzz to get me to even consider a book with a cheater as a hero or heroine. My perception of cheaters is that they’re sleazy, and that’s not even close to romantic.
I don’t know if I could take back a guy who cheated on me. If he did it once, what’s to stop him from doing it again?
Once upon a time I would have answered that question with an emphatic, “No way! One strike and you’re out!”. Older and wiser now, I would have to say it depends. It would be a lot of work — blood, sweat and tears, I’m sure. I have watched a good friend go through quite an ordeal with her cheating husband and I have admired her determination to at least respect their 20+ years together enough to explore reconciliation.
I read “The Forgiving Hour” by Robin Hatcher and “A Perfect Marriage” by Laurey Bright.
Cheating is one of those no-nos in my reading materials, if the hero or heroine cheats, I don’t want to see them get back together because I just know that a kiss isn’t going to make it all better miraculously. So I usually try to avoid these types of stories…but to be honest…several historical romances come to mind where the hero still has his mistress while being married and it doesn’t seem to bother me as much – because it is historical. But in contemporary books – no way.
I don’t really like reading about cheating couples. If my boyfriend cheated on me, I would never want to see him again. It’s just one of those things that I will never forgive.
No. I’m glad to see some of these political wives are leaving. Kathryn Shay wrote about a cheating hero in Just One Night. I usually don’t like books with a cheating spouse, but it was well-written and since the cheating was revealed in flashbacks, I was able to see how the hero changed for the better.
I too have learned to never say never. Circumstances have a lot to do with it. Now if the question is would you ever totally completely trust again – that’s a lot harder question.
I have never read a book that had a cheating hero, exxcept when he is first married, has a mistress, but ends it with her.
With age comes wisdom. If my husband ever cheated on me, it would depend on the circumstances if I could ever forgive him. Certainly it would take a lot of work, but in a lot of cases, men actually do learn not to cheat after the first time. They feel so guilty and are ready to reform themselves for the better. Trusting again would be harder, but with time, it might come.
I am not sure i would take a guy back that cheated on me, if he did it once he will do it again. I don’t think I have ever read a book with a cheating hero but I think I would enjoy it.
I usually hate reading books with cheating hero (I actually haven’t read any book that had the heroin cheat). I could never finish reading those books or can’t seem to forgive the hero even the heroin does in the book. I want read romance/fanstay and not reality. I also think in historical romance, if the hero in beginning of the boom has mistress then i understand but once he meets the heroin then thats it for me and hero shouldn’t have any sexual relationship with any other woman.
No, never, I have been cheated on and I cannot imagine living life that way. As for heroes and heroines I read a few that happened in the past and now they are reunited. To me, cheating breaks trust, and trust is something I have to have.
This subject touches very close to home. A year ago, I would have said NEVER!!! Life has taught me otherwise. The circumstances, along with the people that create them, will always be the deciding factor. In a book? No, I absolutely would not read it. My own experience would render me incapable of enjoying or even appreciating the story.
Nope, that’s a deal breaker for me, don’t care if he looks like a Greek God, you cheat, you’re gone~ LOL!
I’ve read a Kat Martin historical where the hero cheated on the heroine and it ruined the book for me. I don’t think I can forgive a cheater.
I don’t like reading about cheating. I don’t know if I could ever trust the guy again.
I don’t believe I could take back a man who cheated on me—-would not be able to trust him.
Don’t think I have read a book with a cheating hero.
I feel it would be very difficult to take back a cheater but I have known of people who did. I guess it’s one of those things that you can’t know what you would do until you are in those shoes. I do know, however, that I don’t want to read about it in a story so cheaters will ruin a story for me.
I am not a veyr forgiving person for a husband who cheats. Of course, it all depends on the people involved and the situation but I don’t think I could forgive my husband if he cheated.
I’ve never had it happen to me and I hope to never experience the situation so I can’t say that I would or wouldn’t take someone back. Trust is obviously the bigger issue and I think that while not every instance of cheating would break that bond of trust, once it’s broken it’s not repairable. Most of the books I’ve read with a cheating hero have it occur during the courting stage and before the final commitment which I find more tolerable. I’m also much more accepting of a cheater in a historical than I am in a contemporary novel because I think at that time it was expected whereas nowadays women have a greater say in a relationship and have to option to remove themselves from it.
Well, because I was never a saint and had just as much to be forgiven for, I’d say yes, I would take back a man who cheated. I think I’d have to understand just why it happened and if it was likely to happen again, and then make my decision on whether to stay in the relationship. I do know it’s hard to forget – even though you’ve forgiven, it isn’t easy not to be suspicious of the other person, so it doesn’t always work out anyway, no matter how hard you try.
Cheat on me once shame on you, cheat on me twice shame on me!
I have never taken a guy back who has cheated on me and I never will. Although one of my best friends is an ex who cheated on me. It bugs me that according to lots of my guy friends who say that women are expected to forgive. “Its in their nature.” However, reverse the situation and the guy will leave and never look back.
I believe I am a forgiving person. I like to think I could consider the full issue–and, like Barbara E says, my own lack of sainthood–before being overly judgmental to my spouse. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, too, not just for the one who wronged us. I must admit that I feel very said for Maria Shriver and her kids. I wish them the best.
Reading is different. That’s pure pleasure; my fiction choices aren’t supposed to be just like real life. I don’t have much tolerance for reading about characters who cheat in their relationships.
My first instinct is no way but I would have to think about the circumstances. It would be a tremendous blow and trust would never really be there again.
The problem with cheating is the resulting lack of trust. If I can’t trust a guy, then I can’t be with him. I deserve better than a guy who makes me doubt myself.
Even with fiction, if the hero cheats physically and emotionally, then I’d prefer the heroine to end up with someone else. Sometimes, it’s better to start anew with someone else than to rehash the same drama.
I would probably forgive him… but my husband and I have been together 25 years and I know him extremely well. If he ever cheated it would be under very unusual circumstances, it’s really not who he is.
The one thing I would absolutely not forgive would be if it were in my own home. That is just the ultimate betrayal, to me. Or if my child was involved in any way, come to think of it.
The only book I read with a cheating hero was Laura Lee Guhrke’s The Marriage Bed.
Times must have been different then but still…. I didn’t understand the heroine at all.
I would find it very difficult and painful to take back a cheater. I would never again be able to trust him and that feeling would crush me in the long run.
Like Kirsten, LLG´s The Marriage Bed is the only book with a cheating hero I have read. I had very mixed feelings about it. I really liked the heroine Violet, but couldn´t understand the hero´s behaviour.
I have actually taken back someone who cheated on me but I would never do that again because it made me feel like I didn’t respect myself.
I can remember reading at least one where the hero cheated, but can’t remember what it was. There is a current series out there that I am reading where the hero is married yet attracted to the heroine. I am at the mutually attracted stage of the series but friends tell me these two do get together. I a curious to see how it is handled.
I have been married 39 years and we trust & respect each other completely. During the Vietnam war, our husbands were deployed frequently. One night a couple walked into the crew visiting area and my husband did a double take. Evidently the wife was a prostitute near the base. Several crew members he knew had engaged her services. It was a bit of a shock to find out these men I knew had cheated on their wives who were friends of mine. I can’t imagine what her husband, this woman, or the other crew members were thinking. I don’t know if any of the wives found out that their husbands had cheated on them. I don’t understand. These men were nice guys and had wonderful wives and children. Why cheat? I will say that they weren’t the only ones. There were wives that had lovers move in barely a day after their husbands were shipped out, even with children in the house. In one case, the boyfriend stayed even after the husband came home – one big happy family: father, mother, boyfriend, and 3 year old daughter. I just don’t understand.
I couldn’t see taking my husband back if I ever found out he cheated on me. Without trust what kind of relationship would we have, I would be constantly wondering and hound him on where he’s at, who he’s with, etc… Because we have that trust, when he goes hunting/fishing/etc I do NOT worry.
I’ve read romances w/cheating heros, and it always ticks me off, but if it’s well written, the author can pull it off.
I would never take back a cheating man. I have no desire – or need, to cheat. If he’s looking for more out of our life together – sexual or otherwise, I would want a mate who would open up and talk to me about what he wants. A cheating man is a man who’s lazy, who doesn’t want to work hard at a relationship, and who doesn’t care deeply about his woman. Any relationship I’m in, I work hard at and expect the same from the guy. If he wants to try out a fantasy or whatever, I’m game – but if he’s looking elsewhere for his lovin’… that’s just lame.
Married a cheater and divorced him…. I think he’s on his 3rd or 4th marriage… once a cheater… always a cheater.. Never could quite figure out if he was just sure that the grass was greener or just that he deserved what ever he desired…